Gentlemen, have you ever looked at your current bicycle and thought, “You know, this just isn’t titanium enough”? Well, clear some space in your garage (and your budget) because the State Bicycle Co. Titanium All-Road Bike ($2499.99) has arrived to elevate your two-wheeled escapades from “Sunday spin” to “epic odyssey with a side of artisanal coffee.”

This isn’t just a bike; it’s a statement. Crafted from double-butted Gr9 3AL/2.5V titanium, it boasts the kind of durability that laughs in the face of potholes and the lightweight properties that make you feel like you’re floating (or perhaps just going very, very fast). State Bicycle Co. proudly calls it a “forever bike,” which, let’s be honest, is a far more appealing prospect than a “forever lawnmower.”

With its Physical Vapour Deposition (PVD) colour process and sandblasting, this bike looks as good leaning against a rustic barn as it does outside your favourite craft brewery. And for the discerning gentleman who enjoys a spot of personalisation, you can trick it out with carbon forks and a ceramic bearing headset. It even features Universal Derailleur Hanger (UDH), which, in layman’s terms, means less faffing about with broken bits and more time exploring “beyond the beaten path.”

So, whether you’re tackling gravel trails that would humble a mountain goat or embarking on a long-distance backpacking trip fueled by dreams and protein bars, this bike is your steadfast companion. It’s an investment in adventure, a testament to good taste, and frankly, a much cooler way to spend your bonus than on another sensible suit.