Tired of battling traffic in a sweat-soaked frenzy, arriving at your destination looking like you’ve wrestled a badger? It’s time to elevate your urban glide with the State Bicycle Co Black & Tan City Bike ($499.99). This isn’t just a bicycle; it’s a mobile manifesto for relaxed sophistication, blending timeless cool with features so practical, they’re practically genius.

Sporting a “nothing more timeless than a Black & Tan with chrome accents” aesthetic, this ultra-light cruiser comes equipped with “mustache-bars” (finely groomed, naturally) for that upright, distinguished riding position. Forget complex gear shifting; choose between single-speed simplicity or a 3-speed internal hub – perfect for conquering those “demanding routes” (like the one with that particularly steep pub garden). A pedal-backwards coaster brake provides “worry-free stopping power,” ensuring graceful halts outside your favourite establishments. But the real clincher? A frame-mounted bottle opener. Yes, you heard right. Because sometimes, the journey calls for an impromptu refreshment. Complete with fenders, a chain guard to protect your pristine trousers, and a riveted leatherette saddle, this bike is built for leisurely commutes and celebratory pit stops. Cheers to that!