Gentlemen, are your keys currently living a chaotic, free-range existence at the bottom of your pockets? Do you yearn for a life of order, strength, and, crucially, the ability to dramatically open a bottle? Then behold, the James Brand x Carryology Mehlville Carabiner ($59) – a device so over-engineered for key management, it’s almost… heroic.

Forged from a solid chunk of aluminium (because mere metal is for amateurs), this isn’t your granddad’s flimsy keychain clip. The Mehlville boasts a “dual compartment design” – think Fort Knox for your keys, preventing embarrassing mid-stride key-avalanches. It’s even got a built-in bottle opener, because you never know when spontaneous celebratory beverages might be required. Carryology, those gurus of ‘carrying things’, deemed it “best in class”. Enough said. So, ditch the key-jangle chaos and upgrade to the Mehlville. It’s not just a carabiner; it’s a pocket-sized statement that says, “I’m organised, I’m prepared, and I definitely know how to open a beer with panache.” You’re welcome, gents.