Gentlemen, are you tired of coffee that tastes like sadness brewed in lukewarm tap water? The Fellow Aiden Coffee Brewer ($365) promises “barista-grade joe with the push of a single button.” Bon Appétit even called it “The best drip coffee maker ever used.” High praise indeed – almost as high as your caffeine levels will be. This minimalist marvel boasts “precision temperature, water ratio, and bloom cycle programming.”

Sounds complicated, but apparently, it just means really good coffee. The “drip-stop filter basket” ensures your kitchen counter remains a pristine monument to caffeine, not a sticky brown wasteland. It even has “presets that cater to specific roasts and grinds.” So, you can finally pretend you know the difference. And the “built-in app scheduling” means your coffee will be ready before your alarm rudely awakens you. Gift this, and the gent in your life can finally enjoy expert-level coffee without having to leave the house or, heaven forbid, interact with another human before his first cup.