Gentlemen, is your morning coffee ritual lacking… corporate synergy? Does your current mug fail to commemorate vital “Outdoor Retreat Team Building Occurrences (ORTBO)”? Then ascend to enlightenment with the Dieter Eagan National Forest Camper Mug (£15)! This isn’t just drinkware; it’s “Lumon Industries Employee Provision.” Crafted from “rugged enamel-coated steel” (because corporate retreats can get… robust), it’s designed to withstand “the rigours of outdoor use,” and, presumably, existential dread in Woe’s Hollow.

The “Commemorative Inscription” will remind you of “valuable lessons” from “Kier Eagan’s Fourth Appendix” (whatever that is). “Heat Retention” ensures “unwavering commitment to Lumon Industries core values,” which we assume are caffeine-related. For the gent who appreciates cult-classic TV tie-ins or just needs a cheap, durable mug with… interesting branding. At £15, it’s practically severance pay in mug form. Enjoy… responsibly?