£500 for a dog bed? At this point, your pampered pooch is practically royalty. The Band & Roll Modern Dog Bed isn’t just a place for Fido to nap; it’s a meticulously crafted haven, featuring a casual three metres of premium fabric and a staggering 56 flawless seams. That’s more attention to detail than my last attempt at flat-pack furniture.

Stuffed with a luxurious 3kg of “cosy filling,” it promises a snuggle experience that might make you jealous. Apparently, two years of intense design went into this, which is longer than some human relationships. Best suited for the smaller, more discerning canine clientele (think Chihuahuas, not Great Danes), this 50cm diameter cushion is less a bed and more a statement piece. Get ready for your guests to comment less on your new sofa, more on your dog’s ridiculously comfortable sleeping arrangements. Made to order in Germany, because when it comes to canine comfort, only Teutonic precision will do.