Gentlemen, tired of your ping pong partner’s incessant chatter? Get yourself the Art of Ping Pong Talking Heads Paddle (£49) and let your bat do the talking! Inspired by 1950s Pop Art, this premium, handmade paddle will make you the envy of all your ping pong pals (yes, they exist).  

Each side features a different design, so it’s like having two personalities in one hand – perfect for confusing your opponent. They promise it exudes an “understated coolness that can’t be ignored,” which is code for “prepare for compliments.” Crafted from sustainable wood and air-dried natural rubber, it’s even eco-conscious. So, ditch the boring bat and grab this artistic weapon. Just don’t be surprised if you start having one-sided conversations with it.