The California Cowboy High Water Tropic Shirt (£95): because sometimes, your shirt needs more features than your car. Forget just looking stylish; this bad boy comes equipped for survival (and mild inebriation). We’re talking a “Tech Dry Pocket” for your precious phone (presumably to avoid those awkward pocket-swimming incidents), a “Bottle Pocket” for safe beer storage (priorities, people!), and even a “Bottle Opener Pocket” – because being unprepared for a spontaneous amber nectar is ungentlemanly.

But wait, there’s more! A sunglass loop (no more losing shades!), a camp collar with a loop (for… looping?), and the pièce de résistance: each Tropic shirt includes a Koozie, a bottle opener (redundancy is key!), “Conversation Stoppers” (use wisely), and a “5 o’clock shadow for your torso” (results may vary). Inspired by Southwest road trips (minus the dodgy Barstow stops), this looser-fit, stretch-fabric wonder will keep you cool, calm, and collected… and possibly well-hydrated.