You know that feeling when your charcuterie board is a little… too perfect? Your artisanal cheeses are aligned with military precision, the olives glisten like tiny, green jewels, and everything just screams “effortless success.” Frankly, it’s sickening.

Enter The Calamityware “Things Could Be Worse” Serving Plate ($85), the 13.75-inch porcelain behemoth designed by the delightfully cynical Don Moyer. This isn’t just a platter; it’s a conversation starter and a gentle, witty reminder that life is a chaotic mess, even if your canapés are five-star.

From a distance, it’s a beautiful, rich blue image on white porcelain, looking like the kind of museum-quality piece you inherited from a surprisingly cool, slightly morbid aunt. Up close? That’s where the fun begins. The elegant pattern is utterly derailed by cheeky illustrations—a subtle commentary on impending doom juxtaposed with your perfectly arranged shrimp cocktail.

At 13.75 inches, this plate is massive enough to handle a “provocative appetiser” or a “charcuterie extravaganza,” silently judging every slice of cured meat with its in-glaze porcelain brilliance. Speaking of glaze, it’s made at the Cmielow workshop in Poland, a place crafting porcelain since 1790. Yes, the same ancient workshop whose pieces grace royal palaces is now producing tableware featuring giant squids and killer robots.

This plate is the perfect gift for the man who appreciates fine craftsmanship, existential dread, and a solid dip. It’s an investment in art, heritage, and humility. Why settle for bland porcelain when you can serve your dessert with a side of hilarious pessimism?

After all, your life may be great, but things could be worse. Just ask the tiny, terrified people depicted on your new favourite serving plate.