Feeling nostalgic for a time when computers had the heft of a small car and the charm of a beige breeze block? Before the cloud, before touchscreens, there was Sir MacIntyre, a true knight of the command line. This isn’t just a lanyard bead; it’s a miniature monument to the digital dark ages.

Meet Sir MacIntyre, a decorated veteran of Her Majesty’s Data Services. This distinguished desktop warrior survived Y2K paranoia, the Great Coffee Spill of ‘92, and countless system errors with unwavering dignity. Though long retired from defragging duties, he’s now ready for a new mission: guarding your keys, knife, or backpack with stoic loyalty.

Machined from ultra-tough polymer resin in the USA, this pocket-sized relic brings a welcome dose of analogue charm to your modern gear. He features a classic beige chassis, a translucent “screen” that once smiled on startup, and comes complete with his own 550 paracord. He’s lightweight, water resistant, and hand-finished to perfection, ready for whatever your 21st-century life throws at him. His boot time may be slow, but his character is fully loaded. For just £30, you can give your everyday carry a delightful system upgrade and honour a true pioneer of the pixelated age. He’s the most loyal desk-jockey you’ll ever clip to your zipper.