Gentlemen, are you tired of your significant other complaining about your culinary skills? Do your barbecues consistently result in charred offerings and disappointed sighs? Fear not, for the Stadler Made Outdoor Oven (€690, or €650 in the Netherlands, plus an adventurous tax journey if you’re beyond the Eurozone) is here to transform you into an al fresco culinary wizard. This isn’t just an oven; it’s a statement. Made from 3mm thick Corten steel, it arrives rust-free, but like a fine gentleman, it develops character over time.

Give it a few months, and it’ll transform into a beautifully oxidised beast, shedding a few rust flakes initially – consider it a natural shedding of its former, un-rugged self. With temperatures soaring to 450°C, you can churn out a gourmet pizza in two minutes flat, or take it low and slow for succulent meats and focaccia that will make Nonna weep with joy. And the best part? Once it’s fired up, it produces “very little to no smoke.” Because who needs a smoky eye when you’re busy perfecting your sourdough? So, ditch the flimsy barbecue, embrace the rust, and become the outdoor chef you were always meant to be. Just remember to factor in those pesky import taxes; culinary greatness doesn’t come cheap!