Is your current soap as effective as a polite suggestion to dirt? Upgrade to the Dr Squatch Brutal Bricc 4-Pack ($32), where cleanliness goes full Viking raid. You get two “Dirt Destroyers” wielding the bold scents of eucalyptus, juniper, and cedarwood – basically a forest floor getting a stern talking-to.

Then there are the two “Grime Reapers,” offering a “murderously” bright, woodsy, and lemony scent to send even the most stubborn stink to the afterlife. Made with 98-100% natural ingredients (so Mother Nature approves of your hygiene violence) and specifically “formulated for men” (because apparently, our stink is a different beast). So ditch the delicate daisies and embrace the brutal clean. Your bathroom will thank you (and possibly fear you).