Gentlemen, tired of those feathered fiends serenading you at dawn? Professional birding amateur Matt Kracht gets it. His new book, included in this Wren Birding Kit ($41), is a survival guide to the worst birds on Earth. Finally, a field guide with some honest opinions!

This kit also packs a Wren Compact Scope, so you can spot these avian abominations from a safe distance. With its 6x zoom and fancy BaK-4 prism glass, you’ll get a crystal-clear view of their “tacky markings” and “dumb migratory patterns.” The ergonomic grip ensures steady, bird-avoiding surveillance. For just $41, this kit is perfect for the gent who appreciates a bit of dark humour with his nature walks. It even comes with a case and lanyard – ideal for discreet bird-watching (and swift escapes).