Gentlemen, let’s be honest. Our grooming routines sometimes…lack vigour. Enter the Oars + Alps Blue Charcoal Bar Soap (£11), a scrubbing brick designed for the discerning gent who demands a deeper clean. We’re talking volcanic sand levels of exfoliation – yes, volcanic. Because what says “refined gentleman” more than polishing your physique with geological remnants?

Activated charcoal, apparently, binds to dirt and sweat like a well-tailored suit to a Savile Row mannequin. Goodbye, “backne,” hello…back-smoothness? Blue-green algae and witch hazel are in there too, because balance and oil reduction are apparently things gentlemen should consider (who knew?). This isn’t your dainty floral soap. This is Oars + Alps, and it’s for men who want to feel properly cleansed. At just £11, it’s cheaper than a decent whisky, and arguably better for your skin. Just, you know, use caution with that volcanic sand. Gentle scrubbing, chaps. Gentle scrubbing.