Gentlemen, are your current headphones treating your ears like… coach? Time for a first-class upgrade with the Master & Dynamic MH40 Wireless Headphones ($399). These aren’t just headphones; they’re “the latest evolution of our very first headphones,” which sounds impressively… evolutionary.

Boasting “passive noise isolation,” so you can finally block out the existential dread of your commute. Crafted from “aluminium, coated canvas, and lambskin leather” – because your ears deserve the finest materials, even if your sofa is still IKEA. “40mm titanium drivers” promise sound so “precise, expansive,” you’ll hear your favourite songs in “a whole new way” – maybe even discover hidden instrumental sections you never knew existed. Up to “30 hours of battery life!” That’s enough for multiple workdays, commutes, and existential crises, all without plugging in. Bluetooth 5.2, “dual microphone array,” and an app to “personalize your sound” – because apparently just listening to music isn’t enough these days. Gift the Master & Dynamic MH40 Wireless. For the gent who demands his ears travel in style.